Sisters

I have a sister. She is 12.5 months older than me. We don’t talk much. Actually, we don’t talk at all. For the past 7 years, we have only talked a few times. I can count them in one hand.

Whenever ppl talk about sisterhood, and the bond that only sisters have,  I cringe a little inside. I berate myself for not being that sister to my sister. I then immediately justify myself to myself and tell myself that it’s all her fault for being such a b*tch. I’m sure, deep inside, she is not one. But she sure has acted like one in certain circumstances in the past.

Last night, I had dinner with three women friends from my small group. It was the first one and we plan on having it monthly.

It fed my soul.

It fed my soul.

I never felt like that with a group of women before.

The conversation never stopped. The food was fabulous. We talked about everything from breastfeeding to claustrophobia to backpacking across Europe and composting. I felt like one of the girls in Sex and the City. One of the four. (No, we did not talk about sex.)

I am so thankful to my “sisters” for last night. I ended up staying up until midnight to finish a work project but it was worth every minute. Every. Minute.

mood: grateful

Ponderings

Learned recently that someone I know passed away.

This person… I was full of judgement towards this person. I barely had one short conversation with this person but I judged them based on their looks and the behavior that I saw. What I didn’t know was this person’s story. This person had had more than their fair share of life’s troubles and tribulations. This person had major health issues, that I couldn’t tell by looking. Full of judgement, was I. Towards this person that I was called to love.

Maybe I am being too harsh on myself? But one of my words for the year was “not judging.” That year, I started to become aware of how much I judge people. Before that year, I really thought I wasn’t all that judgmental. I’m thankful that God only reveals my sinfulness in little bits… so that it’s not too overwhelming.

I have told myself that if my father or mother died, that I would not be too affected. This death has made me reconsider. We don’t have a great relationship, my father and mother and I. I am OK with it. I have learned not to go to the hardware store, expecting candy. But maybe I’ve gone too far in the other direction. Maybe I’ve put up walls instead of boundaries. Maybe I’ve hardened my heart towards them just a tad bit too much. Maybe I can start by being open… and letting my heart grow soft again.

This praise song has been on my mind. I can’t seem to get it out. Have you ever heard it? It’s old school I can’t seem to find a good version on YouTube but here are the lyrics.

 

Face to Face by Mark Altrogge

Jesus, I love you. For when I was blind and lost.

You shed for all your enemies, your blood upon the cross.

Because you have loved me, now I can love you to.

Your love flows deep into my heart and I send it back to you.

And Jesus, our love will only grow much deeper.

Sustained from above by your overflowing grace.

And Jesus, our love will only grow much sweeter.

And someday we shall be together, face to face.

 

Truly, because God has loved me, now I can love him too…