2013 – First Post

Hello 2013.

Hello blog.

It’s been a while.

I got a letter from Compassion that my sponsored child will be graduating from the program this year. I am very sad.

I am happy that she has made it thus far. She’s going to college and on the right track… she seemed to have a bit of a burden to provide for her family once she graduates though. They give an option for us to stay in touch if we mutually want to… and I am pretty sure she will want to. I hope she will…

Took the kiddos to Disneyland over Christmas break. Did a bunch of other activities as well… like the USS Hornet in Alameda.

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They liked it. AJ kept on pushing all the buttons and I had to carry him down most of the steep stairs… although, towards the end, he wanted to do it “All by myself.”

I’ve been thinking about my One Word for 2013 for the past few days and I am leaning towards Embrace. Or Enough. Embrase will remind me to live in the moment and to embrace whatever is in front of me at that moment. Enough will remind me that I have enough. That I am enough. That God gives me enough. I am still really liking this way of doing resolutions.

2012’s One Word was humility. Boy, I learned a lot of lessons about that. Mostly about how sinful I am. I scare my kids with my anger sometimes. I scare myself too. I am on step 10 in al-anon so I’m trying promptly admit it when I am wrong. First pick-up from school in 2013 started with, “I’m sorry for… do you forgive me?” Of course, my Christian forgave me without hesitation. Children have such big hearts. No bitterness. No resentment.

Christmas season was a little bit insane for my etsy shop. I totally did not expect that. I raised almost $1000 for Compassion. I shall be better prepared this year!

 

 

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Momastery

I’ve been obsessively reading all posts over on Momastery. Recently, she had a love flash mob and raised over $80,000 to buy two vans for two families in need.

I’m proud to say that I participated. =) It wasn’t much but I and glad that I was a part of it.

I have these grandiose ideas about how I’m going to grow up to do great things. And then I see how sinful I can be… how petty and little. And the voice inside my head tells me that I’m not going to amount to much so why bother trying? All I’ll ever be is mediocre. Just try to be decent, don’t go for the grand.

And then those ideas seem so far fetched and removed and impossible. And then I get all deflated and down on myself.

I’ve been trying to have some self-compassion. It’s been really hard. I go from pride to self-condemnation and am rarely in between. I don’t like what my negative thought patterns are doing to myself. So I’ve been trying to be a little more gentle with myself. To accept that I make mistakes. To accept that I cannot be perfect. To accept that I am a sinner.

And that it’s OK. Because by God’s grace, my sins are not counted against me. That by God’s grace, I am see as perfect in His eyes.

One Word Theme for 2012

My word for 2012 is humility. Why? Because I desperately need some.

I find that most of my troubles come because of my pride and arrogance. Especially as a parent, it’s so easy to lord it over my kids, who really don’t know much. But that doesn’t mean I need to be mean spirited or haughty when I teach them. I want to teach them with love and grace. With a gentle spirit. God has entrusted me with these two little precious souls, and I don’t want to ruin them! I don’t want them to feel small.

For me, pride and arrogance brings rigidity and judgement. It has to be my way. Your way is always wrong. Or there is always a reason why my way is slightly better. In the end, it doesn’t matter. Being right is so overrated. I want to stop the endless comparing and judging that happens. I am not in competition with my husband or with my kids, or with other moms, or with other employees. STOP comparing myself with others.

I was supposed to have learned a lot about love last year. But to be honest, I think love is too above me. It’s too lofty. I need something more tangible. Maybe it’s because I need some humility first, before I can learn about love?

I do think love and humility go together very nicely. Love is humble. Love is not proud. Love doesn’t judge. Love chooses to lower itself.

So, there it is. My word for the year is humility.

I wonder what God has in store for me to learn this year.