Shame is the absence of self love.

Hello there! Happy New Year! I have not blogged in a long time but last night I read something so profound that I had to share it.

I am re-reading Tattoos on the Heart by Father Greg Boyle. My good friend lent it to me. I read it cover to cover and am re-reading it cover to cover. It is that good. In one of the chapters, Father G says that shame is the absence of self love, much like the darkness is the absence of light, and cold is the absence of warm.

This makes so much sense to me! I don’t know why I never knew this before.

The solution to shame is self love.

I must love myself, the way God loves me.

I must accept myself, the way God accepts me.

I must delight in loving myself, the way God delights in loving me.

I must find joy in loving myself, the way God finds joy in loving me.

There is no room for disappointment or disapproval, because God is too busy loving me.

God, who is greater than.

God is so much bigger than I had ever imagined. And she loves me so thoroughly than I had ever know.

I also love love love that Father G sometimes uses SHE and HER for God, and not just HE. I mean, there is no gender for the Holy Spirit, is there?

*swoon*

I also selected a word for 2016. It shall be serve. God told me so. (Not audibly.)

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2013 – First Post

Hello 2013.

Hello blog.

It’s been a while.

I got a letter from Compassion that my sponsored child will be graduating from the program this year. I am very sad.

I am happy that she has made it thus far. She’s going to college and on the right track… she seemed to have a bit of a burden to provide for her family once she graduates though. They give an option for us to stay in touch if we mutually want to… and I am pretty sure she will want to. I hope she will…

Took the kiddos to Disneyland over Christmas break. Did a bunch of other activities as well… like the USS Hornet in Alameda.

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They liked it. AJ kept on pushing all the buttons and I had to carry him down most of the steep stairs… although, towards the end, he wanted to do it “All by myself.”

I’ve been thinking about my One Word for 2013 for the past few days and I am leaning towards Embrace. Or Enough. Embrase will remind me to live in the moment and to embrace whatever is in front of me at that moment. Enough will remind me that I have enough. That I am enough. That God gives me enough. I am still really liking this way of doing resolutions.

2012’s One Word was humility. Boy, I learned a lot of lessons about that. Mostly about how sinful I am. I scare my kids with my anger sometimes. I scare myself too. I am on step 10 in al-anon so I’m trying promptly admit it when I am wrong. First pick-up from school in 2013 started with, “I’m sorry for… do you forgive me?” Of course, my Christian forgave me without hesitation. Children have such big hearts. No bitterness. No resentment.

Christmas season was a little bit insane for my etsy shop. I totally did not expect that. I raised almost $1000 for Compassion. I shall be better prepared this year!

 

 

Compassion Sunday

Sorry about the lack of posts… I’m not sure why but I haven’t been blogging much lately. I have the next week off so maybe I will blog more?

We held Compassion Sunday at my church 3 weeks ago and I’ve had a table out with sponsorship packets for the 2 Sundays following. Eight children got sponsored and some others took packets home to fill out and mail in themselves. One person told me that they already mailed it in so that’s at least nine children sponsored. Awesome!!!

Husband and I also volunteered for Compassion at the Global Leadership Summit a few weeks ago. Eight children got sponsored over 2 days. That was awesome too!

Oh, I got a new job! Which is why I have the next week off. I am still with the same company but I just have a different position in a different location. I have been working in Oakland for the past 10 years but I will be at Vallejo starting next Tuesday. My work gave me a $200 gift certificate to a spa so I will be enjoying that this week.

A couple weeks ago, we had the leadership retreat at our church. It was great to hear about how God has been working in people’s lives. I wish I was able to get more of that on a regular basis. Husband shared how God had been working in our lives. A lot of people came up to me afterwards and told me that they were encouraged by the sharing. I’m so proud of my husband for having the courage to share what he shared!

Another letter

I got a letter from Rizel that she wrote a couple of weeks after the flood. She wrote it as a response to a letter I wrote and there is no mention at all of the flood. This makes me hopeful that nothing too terrible has happened. And for that I am grateful.

My next thought was.. if she wasn’t all that impacted, why the alarming e-mail from Compassion? But the fact of the matter is, I really don’t know what happened. I shouldn’t speculate.

“Directly impacted.”

I got an e-mail from Compassion saying that my sponsored child, the one I met two years ago in the Philippines, was directly impacted by the December floods. I got it a while ago. I know that I can get more detailed information if I call the office… but I don’t seem to be able to pick up the phone. I am not sure why. Am I afraid of bad news? Yes, maybe. She probably is still alive, I hope Compassion would have called me if she died… but possibly her family may have been impacted… or their home may have been destroyed.

I sent a family gift and also donated to Compassions’ Disaster Relief Fund. I hope she gets the $ soon. I know it can take months for them to receive family gifts.

Yay!

This past Monday, I participated in a craft event at work and I raised over 300 dollars for Compassion! I am so excited. I have to do the final calculations but yeah… I am super duper excited.

I thought about doing a jewelry party at my house this year for the holidays but I didn’t get my act together fast enough so… I may do one in time for V day or something. =)

I took down a lot of orders and I have to make all the stuff now so… I’ll be signing off now. =) Here is one picture of some of my stuff…

Letter from my compassion child.

I got a letter from Rizel recently. She described her father’s recent 66th birthday and how the whole family had a lot of fun. Her father even is cutting down on alcohol and such. But her mom had an asthma attack that same night and had to be hospitalized. She said that she was still in the hospital, diagnosed with an enlarged heart. I think she may be describing congestive heart failure.

My son has asthma. He’s had a cold lately so he’s been really congested. Thankfully, he is on preventive meds and he hasn’t had an attack or flare up this winter season. Last year was misery. We took him to the doctor probably like 5 times. Once to the ER (thanks babe!). I seriously am so thankful to modern medicine that helps my son breath.

I can’t imagine what it would be like to be unable to do anything as your loved one is gasping for breath and throwing up next to you. When their lips start turning blue, what are the thoughts that race through a person’s mind?

.

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I watched a testimony by a famous Korean actor the other day. His name is Cha In Pyo and he was the lead actor in a move called Crossing. It’s about a family in North Korea, trying to survive. In the testimony he describes how the movie was a flop. The movie cost more than it made and won no major awards. After the movie was all done and it was clear that it was not a “success” in worldly terms, Cha had to ask God, “What was that all about?”

Why did you lead me to in this movie Lord?

Why did you let this movie fail Lord?

Why is nothing happening as a result of this movie Lord?

What was the point when no one even cares about the suffering of people in North Korea? No one knows about how much they are suffering.

God replied, “At least now, you know. You know now the pain that’s in my heart.”

 

This has been on my mind.

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