Momastery

I’ve been obsessively reading all posts over on Momastery. Recently, she had a love flash mob and raised over $80,000 to buy two vans for two families in need.

I’m proud to say that I participated. =) It wasn’t much but I and glad that I was a part of it.

I have these grandiose ideas about how I’m going to grow up to do great things. And then I see how sinful I can be… how petty and little. And the voice inside my head tells me that I’m not going to amount to much so why bother trying? All I’ll ever be is mediocre. Just try to be decent, don’t go for the grand.

And then those ideas seem so far fetched and removed and impossible. And then I get all deflated and down on myself.

I’ve been trying to have some self-compassion. It’s been really hard. I go from pride to self-condemnation and am rarely in between. I don’t like what my negative thought patterns are doing to myself. So I’ve been trying to be a little more gentle with myself. To accept that I make mistakes. To accept that I cannot be perfect. To accept that I am a sinner.

And that it’s OK. Because by God’s grace, my sins are not counted against me. That by God’s grace, I am see as perfect in His eyes.