Back from a mini vacay

Family took a little vacation to SoCal this past weekend. We had lots of fun but I am kind of tired now. I’m so glad that the cleaners are coming tomorrow.

We had lunch with my dad when we got there, and then dinner with him right before coming back. I’m not sure if having dinner with him is a good idea anymore. At least during lunch, he drinks but doesn’t get belligerent. During dinner, he got pretty faded and started nagging me. I hate when he nags me. Mostly because it’s the same stuff over and over again… just like drunks do.

One thing he said kind of hurt my feelings. He said if I don’t teach my kids Korean, don’t even bother bringing them to see him anymore. I know he was drunk but it doesn’t really make me feel better to know this. Anyway, I have been trying recently to let my children see their grandfather more… but maybe that’s not such a good idea. I mean, unless he gets sober, what really is the point? To make my dad feel less lonely? I doubt a few hours of face time with his kids will do that. And if he really wants, he can come up here anytime.

Anyway, I have very mixed feelings about all this right now.. but I just wanted to write it all down.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Angles of Secrets
    Dec 14, 2011 @ 06:54:39

    My mother was an alcoholic and said so many horrible, cruel things to me. She was also very violent with me. Even though she was anything but a mother to me, I had confused feelings about her too. Deep down I just wanted her to love me, to accept me, to want me. I hope one day to have forgiveness for the Self about this.

    I understand what it is like to have mixed feelings toward a parent who has an addiction problem. My heart goes out to you, and I wanted to let you know you are not alone.

    Reply

    • hotsaucemama
      Dec 14, 2011 @ 16:30:19

      I’m thankful that my parents were not physically violent with me. (Trying to find something to be grateful for…) Thank you for your comment!

      Reply

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